this is the prologue of the first book i’ve ever written. i was thirteen. can you please help me? constructive criticism would be much appreciated. please be helpful, but not harsh.
thankss!
Prologue:
“You’ve GOT to be kidding me,” Callie Johnson breathed to her mom, looking down at the kitchen table in her New York apartment. Glaring up at her was the contents of a manila folder. Housing information, dorm key, map of a school she had never seen before. Callie’s brows furrowed together as she picked up an official looking document, saying that her place was sealed at Ascotte Secondary Prep School, and that they were “happy to accept her presence.”
Kathleen Johnson, her mother, pursed her lips tightly and daintily tucked her dyed blonde hair behind one ear. “No, Callie. I’m not.” She sat up straight and lifted her chin so her neck appeared too long. Callie watched her swallow.
Callie sat in shock for a moment or two before she felt the corners of her lips creep up. Surely this was all a joke. A well-thought out and brilliantly constructed joke, but nonetheless, completely fake.
“This is when you say, ‘April Fool’s!’, right?” She wanted it to just be a prank so badly. But it was impossible. Her mother, someone who was brought up with more money than anyone could think of, did not believe in April Fool’s day.
And the date was not April the first.
Kathleen let out a long breath though her nose, wringing her hands out on the table. Her knuckles turned white and the gold wedding ring stood out, loose on her finger.
“Don’t joke about this, Callie.” Kathleen stated calmly. Callie shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. She felt her palms sweat and her mind go numb. She glanced down at the paper, looking for the location. Maybe it was in New York. Or New Hampshire or something. In that case, she could visit home. Not really leave her friends. Or what’s left of her family.
Ascot, England. About an hour west of London.
“Why are you sending me away?” Callie whispered lowly after a pause.
Her mother looked down at her hands. Callie watched the cords in her neck tighten. “You need time…to grieve with people your own age.”
“But England?”
“You’ve always talked about going there.”
Tears stung her eyes, but she tilted her face to ceiling, forcing them back into her head before her mom saw. She would not cry in front of her.
“Yeah,” Callie said, shocked at how strong her voice was. “Visiting. When I was older.”
Kathleen’s nose flared. “Callie, what did you expect me to do?” she said in a harsh, exasperated voice. “Watch you suffer?”
Callie’s bottom lip quivered. Her tears were dangerously close to falling, threatening to drop at any minute and betray her. The back of her throat tickled, like it usually did before she cried. Her blue eyes darted anywhere but at her mom.
“It doesn’t matter what you do,” Callie murmured. “They’re not going to be any less dead.”
Kathleen recoiled as if Callie hit her, blushing scarlet. She brought her hand to her face, brushing her perfectly manicured nails over her frosted red lips. Callie watched her slowly crumble from the inside out, her shoulders slumping ever so slightly. She looked away from her daughter and gained her posture, pretending as though Callie hadn’t said anything.
yeah, the words in caps are supposed to be italicized. i have that on my word document, but they don’t show up here.
yeah, the words in caps are supposed to be italicized. i have that on my word document, but they don’t show up here.
